KRISTEN STEWART
Who's the albino Wolverine?
ANNA KENDRICK
Oh, him? That's Robert. He's universally acknowledged as the hottest boy in school but he doesn't date anyone because no girl is good enough for him.
KRISTEN STEWART
No girl is good enough for him? Man, the excuses closested homosexuals come up with these days...
KRISTEN sits next to ROBERT, who nearly vomits in his mouth and leaves school for a week. Eventually, he returns.
KRISTEN STEWART
Hey, where did you go? Because you are exceedingly mean to me, I find myself attracted to you.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Sounds like textbook daddy issues, you fat cow.
KRISTEN STEWART
(swoon)
ROBERT PATTINSON
You have a bright career as a stripper ahead of you.
----
KRISTEN STEWART
Alright. Oh, and also: He's a 100-year-old vampire, don't say anything racist about vampires, okay?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Hello, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you, Kristen has said absolutely nothing about you because you're so lame.
BILLY BURKE
So I hear you're a 100-years-old. And interested in my 17-year-old daughter. So, mathematically that's like, what, a 40-year-old dating a 6-year-old?