IRC-Galleria

Definitions

1.) THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female.....Any part under a car's hood.
Male.........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2.) VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.....Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..........Playing football without a cup.

3.) COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female.....The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male..........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4.) COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.....A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

5.) ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female.....A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male.........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex.

6.) FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.....An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male.........A source of entertainment, self-statement, male bonding.

7.) MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female.....The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

8.) REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.....A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male..........A device for scanning through all 175 channels.

Spongebob, the adult version.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80464443/

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon.

So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.

"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"

"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?"

"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and
he was all scared and he jumped out the back
window into the swimming pool. But he must
have forgot that last week you took out all
the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of
the swimming pool and now he's dead too."

There is a long pause. "Swimming pool? Is
this 854-7039?"

Superman is flying around when he sees Wonder Woman sun bathing in the nude.

He has some dirty thoughts but doesn't want to get turned down.

Wait a minute, he thought, I am Superman... faster than a speeding bullet, No one will see me!

So Superman flies down and does his thing before Wonder Woman can even blink.

Superman is happy as hell and goes about his flying business.

Wonder Woman sits up and yells WTF Was THAT!!!!

And Invisible Man says, "I dont effing know but my asshole is killing me!!!!!!"

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.

His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.

Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.

"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."

"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home.

"Be prepared, my darling. I'm going to ravish you," she cooed over the phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?

He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there.

A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his "therapy".

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, "Yes?"

"Sir, I'm with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?" said the officer.

"Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle," he replied confidently.

"Well, why don't you check the brakes while you're down there. Your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjdlrMTIFsw&feature=related

[verse 1]
I got the first flight out
when I finished up the tour,
because I missed you.
I even flew home a day too soon
all because I couldn't wait to kiss you.
Oh how she will be loved,
was the one thing stuck in my mind,
and how tonight would be
remembered for the rest of your life


[Chorus]
I never thought that I'd do something like that,
When I saw you two it hit me like a heart attack,
Oh No!
How could you let somebody in through our door?,
How could you bring him home?
I never thought I'd lose my temper like that,
Now it's some fucked up situation,
He ain't coming back!
Oh No!
How could you please another man on our floor?
How could you bring him home?

[Verse 2]
I know you know I passed on every girl
because I thought I really loved you,
And you know that I'd never put anyone
or anything above you,
because I loved you,
And it was that love that made me lose my head
and now its too late!
One day too soon, you'll regret it for the rest of your days!


[Chorus]
I never thought that I'd do something like that,
When I saw you two it hit me like a heart attack,
Oh No!
How could you let somebody in through our door?,
How could you bring him home?
I never thought I'd loose my temper like that,
Now its some fucked up situation,
He ain't coming back!
Oh No!
How could you please another man on our floor?
How could you bring him home?

hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh, oh, oh,

Please God forgive,
for what I did,
this day will stay for as long as I live,
'Cause if you walked in
and seen what I seen
I know any man would have done just the same.
Please God forgive (No!),
for what I did (No!)
This day will stay for as long as I live,
'Cause if you walked in (No!)
In and seen what I seen, (No!)
I know any man would have done just the same
Because...I

[Chorus]
I never thought that I'd do something like that,
When I saw you two it hit me like a heart attack,
Oh No!
How could you let somebody in through our door?,
How could you bring him home?
I never thought I'd lose my temper like that,
Now its some fucked up situation,
He ain't coming back!
Oh No!
How could you please another man on our floor?
How could you bring him home?

[Outro]
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/804597/
http://www.kontraband.com/videos/12991/Grand-Theft-Elmo/#show