IRC-Galleria

You know many people say and think that video games make you dumb. I guess in many ways its true but when you're playing a shitty game thoughts just rush to your mind. Well, at least to my mind, don't know about other people.
The main question on my mind was "Why?". Yes, why.
Why do I constantly get rejected by those who I care about?
Am I just such a terrible person when you get to know me better that you want to get rid of me as fast as possible?
Is there something wrong with my appearence or my personality or both?
Why!? Tell me!
Why doesn't anyone accept me the way I am?
Do I have to change myself in order to find love?
Why?

After thinking about these things I thought why am I thinking about bullshit like this when I have all the answers I need?. The answer is fairly simple:
"Because I don't want to acknowledge them"
And why is that if I may ask you, Mr. Tom.
"I'm afraid that I will turn into a bad person..."
Tom... dear Tom... there's nothing bad about accepting the fact that some times, maybe some times, things aren't your fault. Get it?
"Yeah... but still... it makes me feel evil..."
Heh, I'm repeating myself but why?
"Blaming others is not a nice thing to do."
But blaming your self is? Listen, and listen carefully. There are a lot of people in this world who do not accept you the way you are. Yet there are even more people who do! You see, you cannot satisfy everyone! No matter how much you change yourself there will always be people who do not want to be with you. So really, there is need for you to change who you are! Besides what would your old friends think if you suddenly changed into a completely different person? Go on, give it a try! Be who you are!

It's been awhile since I had this conversation with myself and you know what. He's right. There's no point really. I get it now and accept it. There's still a long way to acknowledging it the full 100% but I'm past the midway point. Best thing is that I don't hate myself anymore. No one else does (I hope) so why should I?

So yeah... Thanks to Silent Hill 4 for being so shitty that it made me think about these things. Also thanks to the two girls who bought it to me... I miss you...

Heh, I just realised. It's been a mounth since it happened. One of the best things in my life. But now its long over... maybe some day I'll find another one, just maybe. The future is open. Anything can and WILL happen.