IRC-Galleria

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

Oh, no: I never found her head.


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Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."



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There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.


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what did the deaf dumb blind kid get for christmas?

a pinball machine!

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Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?" The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

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Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.

One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".

The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"


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Definition of disgusting?

Shoving 7 oysters up your grandma and sucking out 8


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Tommy asks his friend: "So what did you get for Christmas?"
His friends replies: "I got a bike, a go kart, a quadbike, an xbox 360 with 30 games, a PlayStation 3 with 30 games, an electric guitar, a drum kit, a new PC, a laptop, a surround sound entertainment centre, a new watch, loads of clothes, loads of sweets, a holiday around the world, and loads more!"
To which Tommy replies: "Aww, I wish I had Leucemia"


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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
Because he doesn't know he's black.


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The elderly Italian:


The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

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A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into
specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he
notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs
onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy
is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot.
I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots.
If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he
comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's
won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so and so. One day the guy comes
home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says "Come in
and shut the door." The guy says "What's up?"
The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman
came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed
her right on the lips."
The guy says "Oh, A momentary flight of passion."
The parrot says "Then he fondled her breasts." The guy says "He
did??!"
The parrot says "Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking
on her breasts."
The guy says "My God, what happened next???!!!"
The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."


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"Nuori sokea tyttö kysyi kerran aamulla äidiltään: "Äiti, saanko minä
koskaan näköä?" "Kyllä kulta", äiti vastaa, "äiti on säästänyt palkastaan
paljon rahaa ja tänään mennään ostamaan apteekista kallista ihmevoidetta
joka antaa sinulle näön." "Ihanaa!" tyttö innostuu.

Äiti lähtee kauppaan ja palaa hetken kuluttua apteekin pussi mukanaan. "Nyt
kulta hierotaan vain tätä voidetta sinun silmiisi ja kiedotaan silmät
siteisiin ja annetaan sen hautua iltaan saakka ja sitten alat näkemään."

Niinpä äiti alkaa hieromaan voidetta tytön silmiin ja kietoo lopulta siteen
pään ympäri. Parin tunnin kuluttua äiti kysyy: "Onko side hyvin?" "Ei ole",
tyttö vastaa, "mä en pysty hengittämään kunnolla ja voide kirvelee kamalasti
silmiä." "Koita kestää kulta, se on sinun parhaaksi", äiti vastaa ja tyttö
sinnittelee toivot korkealla.

Lopulta ilta koittaa ja tytön tuskat ovat ohi. Tyttö vapisee innosta kun
siteitä poistetaan, ja kun siteet on poistettu hän toteaa: "Äiti, mä en näe
vieläkään!"

"Tiedän, kulta, tänään onkin aprillipäivä."


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Olipa kerran pikku Arttu, jolla ei ollut käsiä, eikä jalkoja. Jouluaattona
Arttu ryömi kuusen juurelle katselemaan paketteja. Kuusen ympärillä hetken
pyörittyään Arttu löysi paketteja isälle, äidille ja veljelleen, mutta hän
ei löytänyt yhtään lahjaa itselleen. Arttu siitä sitten rullaili itsensä
keittiöön, missä äiti oli ottamassa kinkkua ulos uunista. Arttu meni äidin
luokse ja kysyi:
-Miksi minulle ei ole yhtään lahjaa?
Johon äiti vastasi:
-Koska sinulla on syöpä.


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Kari oli syntynyt tähän maailmaan ilman korvalehtiä.

Niinpä hän koko elämänsä luki ja menestyi. Lopulta hän
pääsikin suuren suomalaisen teleoperaattorin erääksi johtavaksi henkilöksi.
Eräänä päivänä hänen piti palkata alainen firmaan ja hän haastatteli kolmea
hakijaa.

Ensimmäinen kaveri oli loistava.Hän tiesi kaikkin kysymyksiin vastauksen ja
oli todella kiinnostunut. Haastattelun lopussa Kari kysyi;

-Huomaatko minussa mitään omituista? Johon mies; -Tuota,kyllä,panin merkille
ettei sinulla ole korvia. Tästä tuohtuneena Kari heitti miehen pihalle.

Seuraavana hakijana oli nainen...huomattavasti pätevämpi
kuin edellinen kaveri. Kari kysyi haastattelun lopuksi häneltäkin saman
kysymyksen; -Huomaatko minussa mitään omituista? Johon nainen empien;
-Kyllä,sinulla ei ole korvia. Kari suutahti jälleen ja komensi naikkosen
ulos.

Kolmas hakija oli koko sakin paras.Hän oli nuorehko kaveri, joka vasta
suorittanut CCIE tutkinnon. Hän oli todella fiksu ja tuntui paremmin
ymmärtävän businesselämää kuin kaksi aiempaa yhteensä.

Kari oli innokas palkkaamaan tämän kaveri,mutta esitti jälleen
kysymyksen:
-Huomaatko minussa mitään omituista?
Johon nuorukainen;
-Kyllä,sinulla taitaa olla piilolinssit?!
Kari oli äimistynyt nuorukaisen tarkkanäköisyydestä;
-Mistä ihmeestä sinä sen huomasit?
Nuorukainen alkoi nauraa hysteerisenä ja vastasi;
-Varmaan vitun hyvä pitää laseja ilman korvia!





-

One day, a mother and her three daughters were playing in the park.

The first daughter ran up to her mother and yelled:
"Mommy mommy! Why did you name me Rose?"
The mother kissed her on the forehead and replied "Because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head and I knew right then to name you so."
The girl, content with this, ran back off to play.

The second daughter ran up to her mother and yelled:
"Mommy mommy! Why did you name me Daisy?"
The mother kissed her on the forehead and replied "Because when you were born, a daisy petal fell on your head and I knew right then to name you so."
The girl, content with this, ran back off to play.

The last daughter ran up to her mother and yelled:
"Gaughghghhhghghghghghhfghtthhhhgh!"
"What is it now, Brick?"


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Mistä tietää että Nils Gustafsson on saanut pillua?














Teltta on ehjä ja kaverit on hengissä.



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Mitä kehari sanoo kun sitä puoliväkisin tuuttaa kakkoseen?
- VÄÄHRÄ PAIKKA!!




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I asked my girlfriend to tell me something that would
make me happy and sad at the same time.

She said I've got a bigger dick than my dad.



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Äiti ja hänen kolmivuotias tytär olivat suihkussa. Tyttö katseli äitiään ja näki kasvot... rinnat... navan... tumman karvapehkon... Tyttö osoitti karvapehkoa ja kysyi äidiltä: "Äiti, saanko minäkin tuon joskus?" - "Tottahan toki, kun kasvat isommaksi, huomaat, kuinka kroppasi tulee muuttumaan ja ennen pitkää sinullakin on samanlainen..."

Seuraavana päivänä tytär oli isänsä kanssa suihkussa. Tyttö katseli isäänsä ja näki kasvot... karvaisen rinnan... navan... tumman karvapehkon, josta tuli jokin juttu ulos. Tyttö osoitti sitä juttua ja kysyi isältään: "Isä, saankko minäkin tuon joskus, kun kasvan isoksi?" - Isä kuiskasi tytölle: "Jos pidetään tämä meidän välisenä salaisuutena, voit saada sen nyt."

You replicas overlooking the guidelines of acoustics
Miserable attempts result in miserable conclusions
Paragon pen dragon tactician on freeform
Then a comfortable silence try to combat cliques
That unexpected Sephotus cyclone shifts
Worked up you're shooken, jetted to the side
I stagger this vagabond wondering menstrual forms of phobia
Worst fear the terrace stricken muted
The roots of all evil I've rooted pinnacle
Poised with pride pouncing to break your stride, forsaken
Agony rides inside the heartache wretched condition
My intuition felt you slip up
You tripped alone what are you aiming for?
Or do you sus tries to classify your genus, distorted fetus
Evolve, type unsolved, you lack the malediction
Malleable martyrs get molded, then folded under pressure
Thou perceives a slaughter suspension
Bridge over troubled water drown, sound study intensive
My square drops two erasing lines like tetris
Relentless agent hush horrendous circles on my pavement
Two sticks to burn basics the lie adjacent to my placement
On the game board, lunge forward and wind-up impaled by the same sword
Choose your weapon, stains splattered upon your flag
Taturag shielding the exterior inferior
Stall face to face with a forms that force your downfall
Admittedly suspicious, a decadence, your network's on hiatus
Permanent, provoked and choked upon the potency
The parrow be the penetrating agent pierce the insides
Why the cold sweats at midnight? Why the dim light?
Why are we staring at a true from the inside?
Why the pen slide with vigor on a put down?
Like while I put my foot down stomp your city
A-E-S-O-P scoping through the bur, opening minds behind the smirks

I've seen misery, I've seen disgust dust ridden ruins
Iron clad oracle test three COM unit disperse silently
Over confidence leads to irony
Plot twist full hardy Icarus shifted in facets of my form
Forbidden aspects of the swarm a thorn upon your side
A storm upon the rise, Adam, I or crush come brush upon the red zone
Crook you're shook you started poorly
Your powers parted pace uncharted territory
Disoriented malicious god you'll burn your bridges
This craft requires first drafts
Graphs, gritted blueprints of nemesis perimeter
Hunting by night compute, twenty one mic salute
One life polluted, concerned muffle moans
From the nine rings of Donnie's hell burn you in your slumber
Sleepwalk then pulled under now
Whipping through the willows is the warden of this garden
Slipping through the silhouetted skylines Aesop sidewinds jaded
Don't wind up war painted into the jungle the solution's not intrusion
The starving institution broke your main frame
I pose the question, are these waiting games worth it or worthless?
While I comb the crowd for clues your nyebony hands be my purpose
Our planet is the pivotal point
In which this network slowly turns to filter kicks
We out-box the berserk bewildered by the wilderness
My clench is frantic clutch manners falling through underbrush
Touch fools that duel with a dominant
The evil-minded tried to triple six me but he missed me
Intervene; emcees appear as red blips on my color radar screen