IRC-Galleria

What awaits me is not bad at all.
Actually, for me subjectively, it will most likely be the best thing ever to happen to me, the best thing I will ever experience.
What comes to loneliness; quite bidirectional indeed... Since I've been alone all along.
My sense of reality has been lacking its meaning way too often. Every day I'm falling deeper and deeper into my own little world, surrendering to the higher force which is taking my power to communicate, understand or to be understood.

How people see me is exactly how I'm wanted to be seen.
I have people looking at me, seeing that the life is not going easy on me, and they naively think that they have the power to help.
Seeing that I need help, and that I will get help.
But the truth is, that the forming thoughts outsiders are getting are nothing but illusions of hope.

My happiness is gone. My will to live is running through my fingers, and I can do nothing but watch it run.
I'm afraid that one day I can not bear the burden that just keeps gaining more weight on me... That one day I completely collapse and do something that cannot be taken back, for the hope of my own salvation.
Selfish, I know... But I suppose I should have the right to do what I really want from the deepest of my heart, even the one, only, last time.

I am so tired.
I do not want to be taken cared of.
I do not want to spread the exhaustion nor the burden I am carrying.

I want nothing, yet I want it all.
I get nothing, yet I get it all.
For me everything is nothing, and nothing is everything.

The same persons are destroying me and keeping me alive at the same time.
Those very same persons are not destroying only me, but each other too;
and that way they are destroying me even more.

With great interest I wait what happens when I present those people with a complete riddance.