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after all this time, this pain, these betrayals and these dark moments of insanity, you come right back to me, and i just forgive and forget, as if nothing ever happened and you never hurt me in any way. and i feel so damn ashamed, but i can't help myself because i love you more than anything in this crazy world.

whenever you hold him,
please, do it carefully,
because you're holding
my world.

Sitä rakentaa pienen, hauraan onnen, joka pysyy elossa pelkällä tekohengityksellä, koska resursseja mihinkään muuhun ei yksinkertaisesti ole, sillä joku on vienyt ne. Ja sitä elää huijaten itseään että kaikki on hyvin, ja sitä osittain jopa uskoo siihen harhakuvaan ja antaa elämän vaan pikku hiljaa viedä johonkin eikä oikein tunne mitään erikoista. Ja sitten se resurssien viejä iskee taas, tekee sellasen täsmäiskun, joka hajottaa hauraan teko-onnen, ja katoaa jonnekin tuhansien kasvottomien joukkoon, ja sitä jää seisomaan satojen rikottujen lasien keskelle ja imemään myrkkyä siitä ainoasta jutusta mitä on toiselta ikinä saanu - tupakasta.

where have you gone?

i'm doing things, working like crazy, just to forget you,
but how on earth could i forget when you're in my
dreams night after night?

my scars are so deep that i don't think i will ever recover from this fully.

I run into you and nothing in your eyes tells that you recognize me, better yet even notice me. It feels as if my heart very literally stops beating and you walk away and something within me dies very slowly and painfully. I just cant help but wonder in what kind of the universe God does things like that?

Had i walked away first, would this still be hurting this damn much?

Missing you terribly isn't the worst thing about this.
Nor is the feeling of being hurt, betrayed, used and thrown away.
Not knowing if you even remember what we had is.