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TAP:n keikka samalla illalla kuin Renoise soittaa Apulannan kanssa.. Voi ei, miks?! :-(
Mutta se keikka 8.2. tuli ihan kivaa x)) Saanko toivotta ettei se oo akustista..? :D

Right, I wouldn't have thought that I would get the Lovex song so fast. And even from a Finnish girl. But I think it's great. It's very Lovex..
And yeeeeeeees, only three weeks and Paris is coming, hiiii!! And one big party! Lovex in Helsinki and then Renoise in Tampere :-) I can't wait. I probably won't sleep at all (again), but never mind, haven't I survived more.. Remembering the first Lovex gig in Prague when I got up on Saturday morning and went to sleep on Tuesday morning. 65 hours in a row without sleep, hyi. ..one more memory without any chance to be relived.. *sigh* They're coming maybe even too many at a time.. Even though it can be just as great in a different way, still. Past is gone. Now is now. Future is to come..

Jep jep, the Entwine album is on the way. I just love online shopping, it's so easy! :-)
And I'm freakin excited about the new Lovex song. The girls on the phorm have been writing how shocked they were and it makes me even more curious. Well, hopefully it will come on Myspace, too, or the Russian pirates will get it somehow else.. *giggle*

Maybe the dancing course will be a useful Finnish course, too. If the teacher speaks Finnish and the rest of the people around me, too, I guess I will be forced to use it anyway.. It's just much easier to learn a language when you can't use any other language..
And dicussing the impact of the problems between Russia and Ukraine on the Czech rep. in Finnish with the grandmothers was real fun :D
And now I'm determined to start dancing at home to gain back the physical condition I had a year ago (it feels to me that it can't be gained otherwise than by dancing, too) and stretch. Four years of gymnastics can't be lost that easily :D

Right, time for smaller steps. Today I managed 4 songs in a row on 100% performance. And the main reason that made me stop was that my arms started to hurt. So,

Step 1: 6 songs in a row on 100% peformance by the end of the week. If possible, without hurting arms.

I'm trying. I'm REALLY trying. But, hell, I just won't make it up, blah! I love the album, but I just won't make up a way how to put it down.. :-( I promised to send it during Friday. It's Monday evening and I have a half of the introduction. Maybe not even that. I guess this is not work for me. Not only for suffering from writer's block, there are plenty of reasons why this is not work for me, but I just don't have the courage to leave it. It just sounds so good that I write for the most prestigeous music website in the Czech rep. (not regarding the fact that I don't like the work and the leadership is a bunch of idiots) and there're not many occasions to do something like that.. I'm a spineless bitch.
Is it really a Scorpio thing that I seem to enjoy being behind and only to prepare the ground for someone else to show off? Or is it just a temporary defensive state of mind to prevent jealousy? I've always seemed to be a pure Scorpio and have been proud of that, but this doesn't really sound alike.. I guess, B is right. I will get out of that eventually. I guess..

Yeah, I got the inspiration from the TAP channel.. I love this song..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-nuXlW0ZbA

It's all about patience..

I don't know. I need to get my emotions under control. There's relief, confusion, expectiation, nervousness, depression, excitement and so much more, I feel like I have one big fight inside my head. I'm wondering if something's wrong, or what, I don't know.. Well, time will show..

I feel like screaming, shouting, everything to get the tension out. I need to speak about it over and over again and again until I end up in hysterical cry. Confusion's killing me. I hate being unsure, knowing something's wrong, but not knowing what. I'm confused, nervous and scared, but I probably don't even have any reason, as usual. But again- I don't know. I hate this state of mind. I've been fed up with that.

Jep jep, I'm looking forward to today's course :-) I haven't been learning anything for more than a month and I was quite missing that. And I like conversation lessons, I prefer speaking to writing and listening. And I need it like hell, I really need someone or something to get me start really speak Finnish. I haven't talked to the grandparents for some time and only brief communication in shops etc. doesn't help that much. But on the other hand, surprisingly ever since I came back to Finland after the Christmas, I've been feeling much more confident about speaking Finnish.. Weird.
The only bad thing is still the transport. If the course was an hour earlier, or not even that, I would have no problem to catch the bus at 20:05 and go to Lakiala all the way.. What can I do now..
And Friday, yay, a gig again! Even though only an acoustic one, but still :-) I suppose Lea will go with me. Hopefully.. Let's see.. I don't think she's ever seen White Flame, but well, it can always be interesting..

This is what I wrote back in the spring of 2006. Jesus, three years it's been.. I can't remember if I had someone of particular on my mind, but probably not. I think it came out of a momental mood and the first idea of the sentence "I couldn't resist those eyes"..

He lies!!

Crawling down here, torn apart;
I couldn't resist those eyes
Help me, 'cause everything's gone dark
Too dark
And everything's gone wrong
This is not the way I wanted it to be!
He lies!

Mummy, Daddy, get me out!
He could kill me if he tries
The once grown-up girl wants to shout
For help
And hide again under Mummy's skirt
This is not the way I wanted it to be!
He lies!

A small, sharp object on the ground
I touch it and it's cold as ice
A razorblade that I have found
He said
It would save me... Jesus, I'm bleeding!
This is not the way I wanted it to be!
He lies!

The blood is running way too fast
A girl is dying; Heaven, cry!
I feel like losing my consciousness
It's over
God damn you, liar!
This is not the way I wanted it to be!
He...