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Dear Papa,

I am writing to inquire about my Hogsmeade permission form. I sent it to you on the very first day of school and I am anxiously awaiting its return with your signature on itÂ… But donÂ’t rush it, Daddy, missing out on trips like this allows me more time to write letters to you.

Yes, things at Hogwarts are going quite swimmingly. I am the most popular boy in school. Why, even Harry Potter likes me. IÂ’m also the darling of every classroom and the favorite of every professor who has any sense.

Most importantly, I have mastered the use of the potty. Yes, yes, I admit I was a late bloomer, but you can imagine my pride as I strolled into Charms class and said, “Oh, hello gents, Professor Flitwick, sorry for my tardiness - I was just learning how to use the potty!” Oh, how the children laughed with me in celebration. I like making people laugh. I also like the potty.

I know you havenÂ’t done so all year, but you can feel free to write me anytime.

Hugs and butterfly kisses,
Your Draco

PS: Tell Mama to bugger off.